If we know why people are different, our approach to knowing them can be different.

7 min read


All the people we come across in our lives bring about various experiences based on our interactions with them. It is understandable that some would get along with us easily, while some may find it difficult to be in our company. A few become our best friends while some others, our worst enemies.

We know that everyone is different and, therefore, our thoughts and viewpoints may not be in sync with those of everyone else. There are some clichés that we often use such as, ‘everyone is unique’, ‘no two people can be the same’, and many such inferences. However, when it comes to practical application, we fail to acknowledge and accept these differences in a positive way.

Often our mind gets so caught up in our own emotions that we are left with too little scope to direct our thoughts to acknowledge that each individual is different and that we need to deal with them differently.  

When everything goes well in our life, we don’t think much about the people around us beyond our own perception. But when things go wrong in our life, we are forced to make corrections in the way we perceive people. There starts an inquiry in our mind and we tend to get questions like,

  • Why do some behave maturely and some never grow-up mentally?
  • Why are some people very intelligent and some fools?
  • Why can some people get things done very expertly, while some can’t?
  • Why are some people very optimistic and some always pessimistic?
  • Why are some people God-believing and some atheists?
  • Why can some people speak flawlessly and some can’t communicate properly?
  • Why some have beautiful bodies and some, ugly?
  • Why do some become fat and some remain lean though they have the same food?
  • Why someone dies early and someone else lives longer?
  • Why some people are so insensitive to others and some are kind and empathetic?
  • How come some people excel independently and some remain too dependent?
  • How come some enjoy working hard and some just run away from hard work?
  • Why do some people dare to take risks and some are always risk-averse?
  • Why can’t someone adjust to things like many others are doing?
  • Why can’t some people change their behaviors though they know they are wrong?
  • Why are some people always anxious and restless; and why some remain calm and composed?

I have listed just a few questions here, and I believe many more such questions would occur to us through the journey of our life. In general,  these questions do not pop-up with an intention to know the answers but they are more of an expression of our feelings and emotions.

For us, it is not difficult to understand the obvious differences and limitations of people such as physical disabilities or serious mental disorders or impoverished conditions, etc., because they are often visible and easily verifiable but the real challenge is in acknowledging the subtle differences and limitations.

It is well-known that we all possess different psychophysical facets but just knowing this in a generic way will not enable us to understand and accept people for who they are. Unless we enrich ourselves by understanding different factors that form the basis of our personality, we will not be able to do the required changes in our behavior towards self and others.

If we consider broadly, there are 8 factors that determine who we are and also what we can become in life.

  1. Genetic patterns: We inherit our biological parents’ genes which, to a large extent, determine our physiology and to some extent, they also form a basis for our psychological behaviors.
  1. Upbringing: The way in which we are treated and educated when young, especially by our parents/guardians, influences how we behave and make moral decisions in our life. For example, some people develop an inferiority complex because their parents tend to repeatedly compare them with their siblings.
  1. Environment: The environment that we live in can fuel most of our impulses and can also shape the way our mind thinks. For example, if we live in an environment that gets constantly threatened by some criminals or some intruders, then our mind will be filled with fears and we may feel insecure every time we come out of our safe zone.
  1. False ego: “Misidentifying who we are with what we have,” is the foundation of many problems in our life. False ego is when we identify ourselves with our body and mind. We often try to equate our worth with our net worth and, thus, life becomes miserable. We need to have the knowledge that we are beyond our bodies, our brains, and all that we can see in this material world. Many of us are bereft of the truth that we are souls who are an eternal part and parcel of the Supreme. In general, our life is more about what kind of truths we behold in our life but false ego entangles us in illusions and keeps us far away from all the higher truths of life.
  1. Past-life conditioning: Vedic wisdom explains that each one of us starts our life from a different starting point. This is visible too. For example, we all have differences in our physical, mental, and financial conditions. Some take birth in a rich family and some in a poor family. Some are physically fit and some are physically challenged in some way. Some have a strong memory and some have short-term memory loss. It will be a great mistake to consider peoples’ current life as the only basis for all their behavioral patterns. Dr. Ian Stevenson’s studies on reincarnation also support various facts related to past-life conditioning.
  1. Association: Jim Rohn says “Attitude is greatly shaped by influence and association”. It is true that our association determines how we will lead our life. What we value and what valuables we will be aspiring for has a lot to do with what kind of association we have. Many people do not have good associations and, hence, fall prey to lower tendencies and ruin their life in doing unworthy things. It may be difficult to have the association of good people but it is easy to create a good association by reading good books and being part of talks and discourses that teach us about the higher purposes in our life.
  1. Free-will: Unlike animals, we humans have the capacity to make choices independent of our impulses. For example, when a cat sites a rat, it tries to catch hold of the rat to satisfy its hunger. Animals don’t have the capacity to voluntarily fast as we humans do. Our mind may get impelled by the temptations to eat or watch or do something, but we can choose consciously whether to act on it or not. Every moment in our life gives us the opportunity to choose. The choices that we make shape our lives. Stronger our intelligence, wiser will be our choices.
  1. God’s grace: One of the fundamental truths of our life is, “Man proposes and God disposes”. It is wise to accept that our efforts are not the only cause of the results that we get. There is always a higher power and factors beyond our control that intervene in shaping those results. Our good intentions and efforts are important but to get anything worthwhile in life we need God’s grace. He can make the impossible, possible. If we think that our achievements are independent of God then we might end up beating ourselves for our failures. Whenever we see a great achiever, we must think that “God has empowered him and manifested His greatness through him,” and when we see someone not doing well, we must help him and wish for him to get, through God, whatever he needs.

Out of all the 8 factors, genetic patterns, upbringing, and environment are determined by our past karma, and are the results of our used or misused free-will. But the rest of the factors can be influenced by making proper choices – that is using our free-will in the right way.

Each individual we come across is someone who has a different combination of all 8 factors. But we will never be able to know which factor has how much impact on him.

We may not constantly be aware of all the factors while dealing with different people. But we need to contemplate on these factors whenever possible so that we can understand ourselves and others in a better way and, if required, do course-correction in all our actions with a purpose to bring out the best in ourselves, and also help others to do so.

We have, for long, believed that “People are difficult to handle”. But it is time for us to believe that “People are not difficult to handle but are different to handle.”

Thank you.

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Author

Sriharsh Vaidya

(Pranic Psychotherapist and Licensed Practitioner of NLP)


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