If we are to have any hope of peace in this world, we must master the art of forgiveness.”
– Radhanath Swami
Today we live in a world where the majority are living a self-centered life. Whatever we do is majorly driven by a question “what is in it for me?”. Around the world we may hear a language of “We & Ours” but in actions, we see only “Me & Mine”.
There will be little or no chaos in the world if people are content with their basic needs met. However, that is not the case often. When people try to satisfy their desires beyond their basic necessities, although good-intentioned, they gradually get converted into greed that induces people to hurt or injure others. Consequently, life becomes miserable. Once this happens, no matter how much we may try to establish a win-win situation, it is still either a win-lose or lose-lose situation.
Thus, it becomes tough to maintain harmony in our lives, and we tend to harbor anger, hatred, guilt, and grudges, etc., that can deprive us of living a happy life. Moreover, our mind entangles us in thinking and over-thinking about all the negative experiences so much that we might even get deviated from the very purpose of our life.
We are finite beings and we definitely cannot transform the whole world on our own. Nor can we be silent and let the world ruin our life. But we surely can do our part by imbibing the virtues in our life that can enable us to let go of our negative emotions like anger, hatred, guilt, etc.
One of the prominent virtues that is potent enough in getting rid of our negative emotions is forgiveness.
Forgiveness is a vast subject in itself. Yet, let us understand it in brief in the form of answering the following questions.
- What is the meaning of forgiveness?
- Why we should forgive or seek forgiveness?
- Whom we should forgive?
- From whom we should seek forgiveness?
- What stops us from forgiving others?
- What stops us from forgiving ourselves?
- What does it take to forgive?
- What if the other person doesn’t forgive us?
- How can we forgive?
What is the meaning of forgiveness?

If we go by the general definition, then “forgiveness” is an act of voluntarily letting go of our negative feelings and thoughts such as resentment, anger, hatred, etc., toward someone who has hurt or injured us, including ourselves. Forgiveness is also an act indicative of the fact that our purpose in life is much beyond just retaliating to those who have hurt us.
Why we should forgive or seek forgiveness?
In the materialistic world-view, the struggle for life is enormous. Satisfying the needs and wants of ourselves and our loved ones takes a lot of effort. Unfortunately, the nature of the world is such that in the process of pleasing someone or self, we might end up hurting or injuring many other living beings.
In general, we hurt others in two ways
1) Intentionally: We have an agenda to hurt someone for some purpose or the other.
2) Unintentionally: Many times, we get caught so much in our emotions that we don’t even notice that we are hurting someone. And later, the realization dawns “Oh, I didn’t want to do that”. Sometimes, when we are angry with a person, we want him/her to feel the same pain that we had experienced, but the magnitude of what we speak or do exceeds what we had intended.
No matter in whatever way we may have hurt others, or are hurt ourselves, seeking forgiveness or forgiving others is considered to be an act of right conduct. Forgiveness opens up better opportunities to focus on. Moreover, anger, resentment, hatred, etc., block our vital energy which can instead be utilized for working on improving our life.
Also, energy sciences explain that “Anger and hatred bind people together! When you hate someone, it creates an energy-link with that person. You become chained to the person and your soul becomes entangled with that person. If you want to be free, you must forgive people.”
Whom we should forgive?
We should forgive ourselves before we think of forgiving others. Because we all have many imperfections and impurities within us. We, as a soul, are on a multi-life journey of spiritual evolution. Our minds and intelligence are of limited capacity and they cannot be free from committing mistakes. When we forgive ourselves by accepting our position with humility, we will be able to focus on learning from our mistakes and grow further.
We should also forgive all other living beings who have knowingly or unknowingly become a part of the causal chain that gave us pain and suffering. Often, we think ourselves as a victim and others as victimizers. But in general, all the good and bad that we receive in our life is a part of our own karmic reactions, which also means that the frame of reference that we have for forgiveness not only includes our current life but also our past lifetimes.
It is prudent to consider all other living beings as the instruments through which we are getting reactions to our own karma. Such an understanding will give us peace and strength to deal with people and situations in a mature way.
From whom we should seek forgiveness?
For our functionality or pleasure, we not only hurt humans but also hurt many other living beings. Our normal system of justice may consider punishing us for the wrong(s) that we do to other human beings. But, the principle of karma (Law of Karma), which is an extension of the normal system of justice, considers us to be punishable for even the wrongs that we do to other species.
Unfortunately, a majority of us tend to ask for forgiveness not because we had wronged, but because of the likely consequences that may trouble us. If there is no trouble and we can get away with our wrongdoing then we don’t consider asking for forgiveness. And many times, we don’t come to know about the magnitude of what wrong we have done until we start seeing major consequences of that wrongdoing. But, if we are cultured and are of a good character, or willing to save ourselves from severe reactions, then we should seek forgiveness from all the living beings to whom we have knowingly or unknowingly caused pain, irrespective of the consequences.
What stops us from forgiving others?
Broadly, there are 3 factors that stop us from forgiving others.
- Ignorance: Many people don’t know about the consequences of harboring negative emotions like anger, hatred, grudge, etc. For example, Lord Buddha said, “Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die”. Thus, we need to enlighten ourselves with the knowledge of what our negative emotions can do to us physically, mentally, and spiritually.
- Attachment: It has been observed that over a period of time, people get too attached to their negative feelings and emotions that they become an inseparable part of their life. So much so that they make revenge as their primary mission of life even at the cost of ruining their own life.
- Incapability: For some people, it is easy to convert the ‘knowing’ into ‘doing’, while it may be very difficult for others. In spite of their strong desire to forgive, they may not be able to do it on their own. Such people need support and constant guidance, as we can see that their own will is much weaker when compared to their desire to forgive and move on in their life.
What stops us from forgiving ourselves?
For some people, forgiving others is easy but not themselves. There are two reasons why it is difficult to forgive ourselves.
- False ego: Unfortunately, many misidentify themselves with their body and mind. For some of us, it is a well-known fact that we are beyond just the body or mind – we are a soul. But even today there are many who are unaware of this reality. Thus, those who don’t know about their real identity, always equate WHAT THEY DID with WHO THEY ARE, and this creates a big obstacle that prevents them from detaching themselves with their past misdeeds and moving ahead in life to correct and create a better future.
- Pride: Humility gives us the space to acknowledge that “there are factors beyond us which can overwhelm us and thus we may not always be able to do things in a right way”, but pride keeps us in the trap of blaming self by saying “it is your mistake; how can you do such a blunder, etc.”
What does it take to forgive?
- Compassion: We may never find a living being in this creation that can claim it is free from defects, imperfections, shortcomings, etc. Compassion enables us to acknowledge the fact that just like we struggle with our minds and senses, others also have their own struggles.
We often have a misconception that our pain or suffering is bigger in magnitude than that of others. Thus, we expect others to understand us and change themselves to comforts us. If we, instead, maturely acknowledge that everyone has their own unique struggle to find peace and happiness, while we may or may not able to help them in their struggle, but, surely, we will be able to forgive them for their misdeeds and that can definitely give them a little relief.
- Intelligence: Often forgiveness can be misunderstood or misapplied in life. It is important to know that ‘weakness can be forgiven but not wickedness.’ What it means is that some people hurt us due to their weaknesses such as uncontrollable anger, insensitiveness, etc. In such cases we can forgive and forget. If possible, we can try hard enough to get along well with them.
But some people consciously hurt with an aim of ruining us. This is called wickedness. In such cases, we may forgive them internally but we will take necessary action so that we can prevent them from hurting us again. We don’t need to harbor any negative emotions against them but we can choose to keep a distance from them.
What if the other person doesn’t forgive us?
Each one of us has a unique psychophysical nature. For us, it may be easy to see and accept some things, which could be difficult to do for others. Similarly, in the case of forgiveness, we may have the humility to ask for forgiveness but the other person may not find it easy to forgive us. It is completely fine. Forgiveness is an act for our benefit irrespective of the outcome.
Lewis B. Smedes said “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”
So, let us not think much about how the other person will take it. By asking forgiveness, we are freeing ourselves. By doing that we are making a huge change in our character which will surely reward us many good things in our future.
How can we forgive?
Grand Master Choa Kok Sui (GMCKS) in his teachings states that “taking responsibility for the wrong we have done is not easy. It is tough to say sorry, tougher to mean it from within but toughest of all is to accept the apology and forgive someone who has wronged us. But it is necessary to forgive if we want to move on.”
He also mentions about an easy way to forgive, which is as follows.
The easiest way to forgive is to make a list of people who have hurt you. People whom you trusted but you were betrayed by. All those people who have broken your heart. The colleague who made you look bad in front of everyone. That co-passenger who has pushed you on the bus. Then start by releasing the anger you are holding against them. Bless them one by one and send them your love. You have to keep doing this every day unless you can send them your love with ease. We should imagine all of them in front of us and say silently: “You are forgiven. God’s blessings and peace be with me and be with you.
Let’s not forget, “Forgiveness is Therapeutic. Forgiving Heals the Soul.”
Whenever it feels hard to forgive, we should try to acknowledge the all-forgiving quality of the Supreme who has forgiven us and is forgiving us for all the millions and billions of mistakes we did that we don’t even know or remember. If we diligently try to engage our consciousness in remembering the Supreme God, then He surely bestows us with the strength to forgive ourselves and others.
Thank you.
Note: If any of you are interested to learn more about how to forgive yourself and others, we can teach and give you the detailed copy of GMCKS’ Forgiveness Prayer. You can drop an email to vaidyasriharsh@gmail.com
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Author
Sriharsh Vaidya
(Pranic Psychotherapist and Licensed Practitioner of NLP)
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